I can remember the exact moment I finally made the decision. I was at school, sitting at my desk before the day started. I was thinking about the previous night, where my husband and I talked in circles about me leaving my job, all the what ifs, all the pros and cons. I couldn't make up my mind. Until that moment that morning.
It was a Tuesday. The day before I had found out from my principal that no help was on the way. It was a week after we submitted proposals to hire an additional SLP part time. And two weeks after I had a complete and total breakdown in her office…
I had been working as the lone SLP at my school for 5 years. It's a small, Title 1 elementary school that I adore. It was a hard job, with two self contained EBD classrooms and two full time PreK classrooms that kept me super busy. But I loved it. I had learned so much about myself as an SLP in the past 5 years.
I had a caseload of 60 when I came back from summer break. In the first two weeks of school I had 10 referrals and they weren't slowing down. It felt like every other day, I had a new student transfer with an IEP including speech services. The list of students I was serving was creeping up to 70 and quickly. I was providing therapy to about half of my caseload in person and the other half virtually. I had some groups that I had to see both at the same time. Add to that a litigious case that always creates extra pressure, normal paperwork for IEPs and Medicaid Billing. Every single day I felt like I was drowning. And for a while, I just kept swimming because that's what was expected of me.
And then I hit my wall. It was the one that screams, NONE of this is right. NONE of this is ok. It was then that I started to think, how in the world am I going to do this until June? I wasn't going to. Something had to give and on my lunch break, I walked into my principals office to tell her I needed some help. And then I just lost it. I cried. I may have even cursed.
Lucky for me, I have an amazing administrator who supports me. She knew what was being asked of special education staff was too much. She was going to fix it, and I walked out of her office relieved. I really thought it was going to get better.
It didn't. It came down to that Tuesday morning. Sitting at my desk. Deciding that I wasn't going to deal with any of it anymore. That I am worth more than this. I don't deserve to live a life that is anything less than freaking awesome. I will not kill myself for a job that can replace me. I will not work myself crazy for health insurance (that sucks anyway) or a retirement plan.
My momma taught one huge lesson… life is way too short.
So, for the millionth time this school year, I took myself to my principal and told her I wanted out. That conversation broke my heart and healed it all at the same time.
The world didn't come to a crashing end. I have other opportunities. I still have health insurance and a better retirement plan. I'm still a dang good SLP. And maybe one day I'll step back into that classroom feeling stronger about who I am and what I deserve. Until then, I'm still here.
We, as a profession, must stop accepting the things that are within our control to change. We must learn to say no. We must learn to speak up. We must advocate.
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I wish I had your courage While I do not have the crazy numbers you have. I am drowning in paperwork. There is never an end it sight. I have been doing this for 21 years and feel the paperwork is more important to the administration than planning and implementing good therapy. I am considering at 49 retiring and moving on too. I love my student and love therapy but I hate how stressed and overwhelmed I feel all the time. My family deserves better.
Thanks for sharing what I feel ALL school based SLPs are feeling!
You absolutely deserve better Miriam. Sending love.
THIS! It’s exactly how I feel! Same circumstances down to the numbers self contained classrooms. Same thoughts. It’s like you are reading my mind. I have over 20 open evals alone!!! I can’t do it ! Thank you for sharing your story.
Hallelujah!! I think your story is so important and thank you for sharing. I’ve been in the field for many years and decided to come full circle and go back to doing school based therapy.
So many positives and some really big negatives. Dealing with enormous caseloads, endless paper work, testing, IEP meetings, is never ending.
I think you are incredibly strong to walk away from what sounds like a position that required two full time SLPs.
Recharge your battery and enjoy this time. You’re an inspiration.
I am so proud of you! That you stood up and said what SLP’s all over the country would love to say. I am also so happy that you are saying you are a good SLP! The pressures of this work are never about OUR failures. Stay positive and happy and the rest will fall into place. Best wishes!!
Thank you for sharing! I was in a similar situation last year were they kept piling on more and more and it felt like no one was listening!! I quit that job too!!! It is not okay!! Good for you for standing up for yourself and I hope that you find some peace while you step away from the chaos.
If more of us had your courage we would have better working conditions. I have been following you for years and think I know you enough to say you are awesome. You give more than you have. 60-70 kids is not doable. You just check a box but there is little value and at what cost. I am ready and able to retire. I thought I would work for 3 more years because like you I love the kids and what we do.But this year, there is no joy but just stress. I spend more time emailing and texting parents reminding them of sessions, asking if everything is ok, asking can their child join my zoom and documenting these missed sessions than I do planning and doing therapy. As you noted, someone else will fill our spots but our commitment and experience, expertise will not be as easy to replace.
Kudos to you. None of us know how long we have or what tomorrow will bring so we must finally put our lives and our families first. For the first time in 25 yrs I took a week off during school for a family vacation. And do you know what? the world did not stop, my students survived and life went on. Now I have an awesome memory of time with my family. If I don’t retire, I may take another vacation in the spring.
Best of luck to you. I am sure you will be a huge success at whatever is to follow.
I totally respect you for what you did. In my district we have been asking for help in a building with 6 MD or MA classrooms, numerous referrals and 2 1/2 people. Room movements left one senior therapist in a small room with little ventilation and not enough room for more than 2 kids. Her groups can go up to 4 or 5 because of the large numbers. She tried to move to another building but was denied in favor of a newbie.
I have finally decided to retire. I have in the years, finally, and definitely the age. We started virtual this year after much prodding from the union, but the Superintendent decided to reneg on the agreement and started sending people back. I was supposed to go back about 3 weeks ago. With the pendemic increasing in my state, my age, my health issues, I asked to remain virtual. Never got a response and started taking sick days instead of going in. Now with 28 teaching days left I had to put in for a medical leave. Not what I wanted to do. I wanted to continue with my kids, most of them staying virtual. It is killing me!
But I am done. Keeping all my certs for a while. Looking to see what I want to do.
I wish you luck. I have been a follower and a purchaser on TPT. You are great!
Good Luck in the next phase of your life!
Thank you for sharing this. I also appreciate the other comments that have been shared. I see my story mirrored in them. I have worked in the same district since I started my career 19 years ago and I didn’t plan to leave this way, but I too left this year. In many ways I am sad about it. I had a good school with a great team, but I am tired of the high caseload (80) and new paperwork requirements. I could barely fit in the students I had before but add in extra cleaning and smaller groups and it is impossible. My family and I didn’t see any wins going forward for my physical or emotional health, so I left. I read a quote somewhere about how sometimes the only way to fix a problem is to start over. So my family and I are starting over which is stressful, but so was staying.
You are my hero!
In my 25 years (all in educational slp) I have watched as roles around me have changed. Resource teachers used to ALWAYS pull students and “do their own thing” but now, often it seems that the resource teachers are more like tutors in the classrooms (NOT bashing those teachers–just the system that is now in place!) and often not allowed to use different programs at all; because of being “inclusive” resource teachers have doubled in my schools. NEVER had paras when I started, except for Kdgtn; now each class can have a para in some schools. But….
SLPS have not had any significant changes in their roles. We often are still the only ones in the school/building, serving 40-90 students, and then testing new ones, adding students constantly, supporting students in all sorts of situations, working with multiple schedules in some cases (as the only slp in a small district, I have the preschool schedule, elem schedule, jr/sr high school sched and oh, parent schedules for all birth-3 kiddos!!)…..yet, logic, research and best practice would say that we should have 2-4 slps in situations like this!!
You are a great human being.
Thank you for sharing, I know that your decision was not easy. We are fixers and I feel like we don’t get the help we need because we band together and solve the problems (by helping each other out) because the District doesn’t take action. One day I’m going to make a t-shirt that day “sucks to be competent”! We can, so we do. But it’s not right. I have til 2023 to retire and I hope I make it. I have worked as an SLP since 1992 and absolutely love this profession. I am now totally in the ‘life is short’ camp and would much rather spend time with my family . Thank you for leading the way